Oh God I failed

 

The time could not be more perfect for me to have some self awareness because for the first time in life, I have considerably failed. I had failed before in minor occurrences like missing a bus or train or loosing a delicious food which was inside the refrigerator to a sibling or a colleague. But now, the universe has finally failed me to the core, in the Accounting Module of the MBA program.
Eurich (2017,2018) defined internal self awareness as how people perceive themselves, their own values, interests and goals and their impact on others. As I think of my strengths in this hard time, as a school student who passed the scholarship exam, Ordinary Level and Advanced Level examinations and as a university student who passed out with First Class Honours, this defeat is truly heartbreaking. But as I think of myself, with a background in Biology, Accounting subject was entirely new and confusing to me, and it honestly made me think whether I really needed this MBA but I proceeded fearlessly.

Murphy et al. (2008) defined external self awareness as the similarity or difference in the way a person sees himself or herself, compared to how they are perceived by others. Hopefully, with the loving support of my family and colleagues, I hope to rise above the ashes like a phoenix. On the bright side, this minor inconvenience in my life pushed me to start doing this Leadership and Management assignment promptly.

Itzchakov et al. (2018) defined reflective self awareness as the Continuous attention to the self, with a focus on conscious, reflective, and balanced learning motivated by curiosity in the self. Self-awareness extends to awareness of self in relation to collectives of which an individual is a member where the collective may be a team, organization, or any grouping within one’s employer, profession, family, or other realm of life (London et al. 2023).
 
Our sense of self influences our self-perception. This self-awareness nurtures qualities like self-confidence and belief in our abilities, which then affect various behaviors and outcomes. These include how we seek feedback to validate ourselves, how sensitive we are to others and how we build relationships, how we set goals, how much effort we put in, and ultimately, how well we perform. These results then circle back and further shape our self-awareness. By combining research and practical experience, we can better understand how to develop self-awareness, which is crucial for employee learning and growth throughout the careers (London et al. 2023).
After many nights of feeling down and a truck load of tears, I took some time to do different questionnaires to feel energized and fuel myself with self admiration.Taking the Belbin Team Role Test, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), and the Interpersonal Communication Skills quiz, 16 personality tests provided valuable insights into my strengths and areas for growth in teamwork and communication.

Based on the Belbin Team Role Test, my key roles are Shaper (SH) and Implementer (IMP) (Belbin, 2004). As a Shaper, I enjoy challenges, take initiative, and drive my team toward achieving goals. However, I sometimes struggle with impatience and may not always be sensitive to others' emotions. As an Implementer, I am dependable and well-organized, though I can be reluctant to embrace new ideas. Understanding these traits helps me focus on being more open to different perspectives and improving my emotional awareness.

The MBTI results indicate that I lean toward introversion (I) and thinking (T) rather than extroversion (E) and feeling (F) (Hogan & Champagne, 1979). This suggests I prefer working independently and making logical decisions rather than relying on emotions. While this is beneficial for problem-solving, it may hinder my ability to build emotional connections with others. Enhancing my emotional intelligence and adaptability would help me become a more effective communicator.
The Interpersonal Communication Skills quiz highlighted my strengths in active listening and teamwork. However, it also showed that I could improve my ability to manage conflicts and accept feedback more constructively (Interpersonal Communication Skills Quiz, n.d.). While I value different opinions, I sometimes find it difficult to both give and receive criticism in a productive manner.
Reflecting on these assessments, I recognize the need to refine my communication skills by practicing empathy and embracing feedback. Additionally, I aim to enhance my teamwork by balancing my leadership approach with greater consideration for others. By working on these skills, I hope to grow into a more effective team member and leader.

My 16 Personalities test results indicate that my personality type is Logistician (ISTJ-T), which means I am practical, responsible, and detail-oriented. My results show that I am 78% introverted, meaning I feel more comfortable working alone and tend to recharge by spending time in quiet environments rather than socializing.

I also scored 53% observant, which suggests that I focus more on concrete facts and details rather than abstract ideas or theories. My 51% thinking trait means I make decisions primarily based on logic and reason, though emotions may still play a small role in my thought process. Additionally, my 81% judging score indicates that I prefer structure, organization, and planning over flexibility and spontaneity. Lastly, my 69% turbulent score suggests that I tend to be self-critical, often striving for perfection and improvement, which can sometimes lead to stress or self-doubt.
Overall, this failure has been a wake-up call. The tests and what I've learned about myself will help me become a better communicator, more emotionally intelligent, and a better team member. It's been tough, but I'm hoping this will help me grow in the long run.